


Thoughts and fears

by Eriathalia



Series: Changes [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Brooding, F/M, acknowledging weaknesses, not as fluffy as the last ones, they're like an old married couple at times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:12:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5931346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eriathalia/pseuds/Eriathalia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke is pondering his own emotions and how he feels guilty for being unable to love Rey unconditionally yet.<br/>By chance he discovers, that even his young partner has her weaknesses. He decides to change, for her sake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thoughts and fears

**Author's Note:**

> This piece isn't as fluffy as the last one, but I wanted to explore another side of Luke's and Rey's characters.  
> Hope you like it anyway.

Rey never ceases to surprise him whether it is the acceptance of his failures or the devotion and love she shows him every day. Often he has to remind himself that these things should never be taken for granted. Her affection is given so freely and he cannot imagine going back to a life without it. But he is also aware that his former experiences hold him back, make him struggle to return it with the same intensity. There's always the fear he will slip, drive her away in the end. Or perhaps, he doesn't think himself trustworthy. 

Whenever he watches her, training, meditating, sleeping, it is all too obvious she has come to trust him with her whole being. Luke is both flattered and worried by that development. Even if he’s aware that love is built upon trust, he doubts that it is him it should be directed at. Inside he returns it, the flame burning brighter each day, and yet there is an underlying reluctance mingled with it. The last time he had let himself grow attached to another, he fell. He had loved each and every one of his students like his own children or dear friends, had seen in them the chance for a brighter future, so much hope and light. Extinguishing it had plunged his life into darkness along with their demise, crushing his spirit under the weight of defeat.  
With her it is different. It takes no more than a look and he is lost. There is not the tentative affection of a father but an all encompassing devotion that makes him want to share with her, what no one else ever knew. It is both intoxicating and frightening, the willingness to bare his every last secret to her, effectively letting her become a vital part of his very own existence.  
He has already crossed the point of no return and is certain that - should she ever decide to break their bonds, find the young man he thinks she deserves by her side - he will not be able to go on. And still a piece of hope remains that this young woman was lead to him because they were meant to be.  
The ways of the Force are mysterious and maybe they were fated fated to form an allegiance, which would finally be able to best the powers of the dark side.

He feels a pair of arms wrapping around his shoulders, gusts of warm breath on his neck and then against his ear.

"You're brooding" There's a quick kiss to his bearded cheek, followed by a soft giggle. "What is it this time?"

"I was not brooding. I was meditating" She laughs. 

"So that's what they call it these days? Fine" She shrugs and sits down beside him. 

There are long moments of comfortable silence. He throws her a sideways glance every so often, while she has her gaze fixed on the swirling clouds above.

"You're staring" She grins.

"Am I not allowed to watch my very own partner now?" 

"Partner? Why, I'm disappointed." She pouts.

"What's wrong with it?"

"I prefer beloved. Isn't that what I am to you?"

He lets out a heavy sigh "Of course you are. It's just...I'm not used to saying it out loud."

You're scared, she thinks. Despite him opening up to her, there still are corners of his mind he keeps hidden. She respects it, knowing well that every living being needs a place to retreat to. For her lover, it is a peace of his thoughts. Even so she wishes that it wouldn't contain all those painful memories holding him back from acknowledging his feelings freely. Rey decides to support him either way, though she feels the sting of it at times. She just hopes that this tiny shard of doubt will not lead to their downfall in the end. 

"And now you are brooding" He gives her an affectionate nudge.

"Well, aren't we just the perfect match then?" It makes him crack up and laugh.

"Fair enough. But still, we should not neglect your training"

Rey huffs "You just singlehandedly spoiled the mood."

"And you expected anything else?" He shoots her a cheeky grin, one of his rare expressions which never fails to dissolve any kind of annoyance she might feel over his lack of romantic skills.  
"Idiot!"  
"Idiot with benefits. You're attached to me"  
"Double idiot!"  
"You're cute when you're pouting like this"  
"Oh, be quiet!" She shuts him up with a kiss. When they come apart again he's breathless, but manages to mumble "Point taken."  
"Good." It's her turn to grin.  
"And now, training. Will you listen to me?"  
She rolls her eyes just because. "Fine. What elaborate plan did you come up with this time? Please don't tell me there's more moving of rocks."  
He shakes his head "No. Anyway, why are you complaining? At least  
I didn't force you to wade through a stinking swamp. I-" 

She cuts him off."You're missing a vital component for that: a swamp"  
"Do you always need to have the last word?"  
"Obviously." She winks.  
"Pity. I wasn't done yet. You'll learn to use water to your advantage"  
"Water?!"  
"Yes. You know, that wet, clear stuff reflecting the sky that's surrounding this island."  
"That much I knew commander encyclopedia. Are you implying stepping into the ocean?"  
"Why yes. Swim, find your connection, feel it's flow. It will help you a lot with concentration"  
Her face falls and she presses out "S-swim?"  
He frowns. "Rey? I do not like this tone. What is it?" He can also sense a shift in her energy, disturbing her usually joyful blaze with waves of fear. She looks away. Without success though as he simply follows her.  
"Re- love" That gets her attention "You can be honest. I don't bite."  
She mumbles something but he cannot make out a single word.  
"Excuse me?"  
"Remember how I told you all about Jakku?"  
"The desert planet? Why certainly. How could I...I..." 

“Oh..” The answer dawns on him now. He was once confronted with the same problem.  
"You can’t swim." She nods, face flushed in shame.

He folds her into a tight embrace. "Don't fret my...dear" It is hard getting used to these endearments. "It took me a long time to learn as well. The downside of living on a desert planet. I can teach you."

"You're not angry?"  
"Of course I'm not" He nuzzles her temple affectionately, his beard tickling the sensitive skin. 

“I'm scared - somewhat" Her voice is uncertain, the reluctance evident.

"Aren't we all at times?" He kisses her forehead and he understands that loving means not only trusting, but learning to conquer his fears for the sake of the one dear to him. And he is willing to try.


End file.
